(“Wait, is she being metaphorical or literal?”)
Well, in THIS post, I’m talking about losing my debit card, wallet, and keys, etc. but don’t worry! In an upcoming post, I will discuss my equally-difficult struggle with “losing my $#!+” on an emotional level, especially with the kids.
Science tells us that when a neurotypical person sets down an object, their brain creates a “mental marker” to remember where they put it. In that same split second, their brains can consider whether it is wise to put it there in the first place! (Does this drink need a coaster? Is it smart to set my shopping list down here in aisle 4?)
That’s not how my ADHD brain works.
When I lay things down, nothing fires in my brain. The act of releasing something from my hand doesn't even register.
I’m holding the thing, and then I am not holding the thing.
As a young kid, I lost my lunchbox and field trip forms. As a teen, it was my car keys, gym clothes, and assignment notebook. As an adult, I’d forget my work badge, leave my flat iron in the hotel room, my drink cup all over the house, and I have logged countless hours searching for my phone, wallet, and keys.
So how do I overcome this (very frustrating) aspect of ADHD life?
These 10 tips have helped me (mostly) keep up with my things:
1. Mental Checklist? Check!
Over time, I’ve taught myself to run through a mental checklist before leaving the house. I pause to take a quick inventory of what I’m holding or carrying. I say out loud, to myself or to my kids and partner, “Okay, I’ve got my wallet, keys, sunglasses, the gift for the party, the shirt I’m returning…” When I am ready to return home, I go through the same routine to make sure I don’t leave anything behind.
2. Educate and Delegate:
It helps a TON when your friends and family understand this aspect of your ADHD. Mine understand that I can really use their help keeping up with my things. When possible, I ask them to be in charge of important items like theater tickets, boarding passes, and the disk that lights up when our restaurant table is ready. As soon as they're able, I expect my kids to carry their own things.
3. I Could Carry Less:
Whenever possible, I try to carry just ONE thing. I load up ONE work bag large enough to hold my laptop, lunchbox, and purse contents. For years I tried to juggle a separate lunch box, laptop bag, and purse to work each day and was constantly leaving one of them behind. I also travel with ONE carry-on, and it’s a backpack. If I’m heading to a potluck with a board game, potluck dish, and a hostess gift, I carry it all in a big ol’ tote bag to keep it all together.
4. Wrist Straps:
My wallet, makeup bag, pool access card, ear buds, and mailbox key all have wrist straps. I’m far less likely to lay something down when it’s hanging from my wrist. Side benefit: it sometimes helps remind me what I was doing. (“Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be checking the mail!”)
5. Go BIG and Go Bright:
My purse is bright teal, and phone chargers are neon colors. I carry a big bright yellow wallet. This makes things both harder to lose, AND easier to find. My wallet has to be large enough to fit my phone inside. If I'm ever going to carry it into a store, I can zip the phone inside and, of course, carry it around my wrist.
6. Make Your Tech Work for YOU:
I use my Apple Watch to find my iPhone (many, many times per day.) I also have a TILE attached to my wallet, my keys, my son’s epipen pouch, and in my purse. You can even stick one to the back of your remote controls. I can locate the tiles using either Alexa, Apple Watch, or the TILE app on my phone.
7. Simplify Your Check-out Processes:
Perhaps the most costly and cumbersome thing I have lost is my debit card. I used to take it out of my purse WAY too many times: to pay at the restaurant, the drive-thru, to pump gas, to place an online order… and didn't always put it back. After cancelling it, I’d find it down between the seats in my van or in the back pocket of the jeans I was wearing.
- Key to Success: Drastically reduce the number of times you take it out of your wallet.
- Use Smart Pay options whenever possible (ApplePay, Paypal, Zelle, etc.)
- Make it a point to get gas at places that have these SmartPay options.
- I now keep a separate low-balance debit card in my car JUST for drive-thru purchases. No more placing it in the cupholder, dropping it, etc.
- When shopping online, I have my card info saved in my phone so I don’t take it out of my wallet.
- If you have a partner who can pay, have them pay when you’re together. My partner pays at check-out while I ApplePay him my half.
8. Flat Surfaces Aren’t for Storage:
In my home, I try to keep all flat surfaces as cleared off as possible. It's much harder to lose things on empty, blank tables. Keeping a minimalist home is a matter of absolute necessity for me and my ADHD kids to function well.
Assign and label a “home” for your most critical items (purse, keys, phone, badge). This speeds up cleaning and allows your family to help you out if they see your items out of place. I also label the items themselves, to increase the odds they get put away properly the next time. (ex: I'll have nail clippers labeled "Mom's Nightstand" and scissors labeled "Kitchen drawers") If they see them, my kids support me by returning my items on their labeled homes. We’re a team, so I happily do the same for them.
10. Order Extras and Tie Things Down:
I found myself searching for the same items over and over, like Chapstick, rolls of tape, chargers, and hair brushes. I finally just ordered several of each, then labeled where they belong. For some items, we even tied them into place. We tied scissors to the freezer door for popsicles, and tied a hairbrush to the bathroom drawer so it no longer walks away.
Hey, do whatever works for YOU!
I’ve worked for over 18 years to create habits and life hacks to navigate life with ADHD - and I still “lose my $#!T.” Often.
Here’s the truth I’ve made peace with: I will ALWAYS have to work hard at this.
If you or a loved one have a brain like mine, you and I will have to tweak our routines and processes over and over for the rest of our lives. As soon as one process works, our brains no longer find it interesting and it stops working. So, we create a new process. That’s the very nature of our neurology.
In the meantime, I give myself grace...
... and joke about leaving a self-addressed stamped envelope everywhere I go, so they can just mail me whatever I leave behind.
About the author: I’m a Human Resources professional and single mother of three, and I’ve had ADHD (Inattentive type) for 18 years. Well, I’ve had it my whole life, but like a lot of women, I struggled well into adulthood before I was diagnosed. For so long, professional women kept their ADHD under wraps because of the stigma around it. I couldn’t find anyone online whose ADHD journey looked like mine. So, I decided to open up and become the public voice I had always needed. On my HR Mom Facebook page, I write and speak honestly about how we (my son and I) manage our daily #ADHDlife. Follow me for more!